Two weeks ago when I asked him to move out, or when we agreed he would move out depending on your perspective, I removed my engagement ring.
Starting off slow, I told myself. I would wait till divorce papers were filed before taking off my wedding band. I decided I couldn't wait that long.
It's a beautiful band...peaceful, soft, white gold sprinkled with delicate diamonds from my mother's ring. My heart aches when I look at it. It's a reminder of everything I seem to have failed at. I remember thinking I would wear this ring forever. Now looking at it, I just feel pain.
I run my fingers along it, memorizing each crevice, each scratch, each tiny imperfection and I imagine what it will feel like when it's weight no longer rests against my skin.
I think I am saying goodbye in a way as I sit here unable to take my eyes off of it, my heart racing in anticipation, nervous with fear that once I take it off, it won't return. It's a tangible end to what in my mind has been a very intangible four months.
I wiggle it one last time, watching its brilliant display of color and light flash like stars under my gaze.
I realize now...
this is it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I know I have not been married.
I know I do not have children.
I know I have no idea what divorce feels like.
But
I do know that I love you.
I do know that you are NOT alone.
I do know that I will always be here for you.
I do know that your life is not over.
There is a story I like about uncertainty...
Not long ago, I was driving my car on a particularly foggy morning. Most of the time, I could see the sun like a distant star shining feebly through the haze, but occasionally I drove through low places where the fog completely blocked out the sun. Surrounded by mist, unable to see the next bend in the road, I felt terrified and alone. When finally the fog lifted so I could again see the sun peeking through, I was overjoyed! It was there all along; all I needed to do was trust and keep driving.
All you have to do is just keep driving, and know we are here for you. All of us. Find freedom in forgiveness and dream again love.
Thank you perla, that meant a lot to me, your story. It was beautiful :)
Post a Comment