Grateful

I am overwhelmed.

The ability of a human being to have so much compassion for another human being, astounds me.

Perhaps it's because from a very young age I learned to depend on myself only. Perhaps it's
because for every time I've clawed my way up, I've been slammed back down, only to claw back up again. Perhaps it's because deep down I am afraid to lean on someone else and so I hold in my fear, my doubt and force myself to view the world as I wish it to be.

Earlier today, another set back. Instead of doing what I normally do and rationally choosing the best course of action, I lost it. It welled up so hard and so fast that I couldn't contain it any longer and I let the fear take over and I cried and couldn't stop.

Emotionally, it felt like drowning. I'd been treading water for months and suddenly, the wave overtook me and I was slipping underneath.

"Don't make any rash decisions." Warned his father. "It will get better, you just get through this, and it will get better."

"I don't know how much longer we can keep this up." I offered.

"You can. You will. You've already been doing it." Came the response.

So I reached out.

A friend stepped in, family stepped in and the philes who had been behind me for months, keeping me busy during multiple hospital and doctors visits, sent messages and Christmas cards and offers to send food from across the country, to clean or babysit while in town. My work family has remained endlessly understanding and I love them dearly, and miss them dearly.

I sit here, truly amazed and eternally grateful because no matter how alone I feel, I am not alone. I am not the only one struggling, the only one fearing and the only one persevering. I am connected in a profound way to some truly amazing people in my life and I take the lessons I have learned from them with me each day. Some of these people I've never seen face to face. Some of them I see every day and some of them, I miss seeing.

I write this tonight because I want you all to know that I feel you and I am grateful for you. I hope that I bring as much to all of you as you have brought to me.