Begin Again

Life is surprising.

There was a time when I was so sure of how my story would end that I could taste its bitter and metallic flavor deep in my throat. I could feel it in my soul as if the last page of one huge chapter in my life carried a burden so heavy that the force of it on my chest made it hard to breathe.

Panic. I remember feeling panic.

With multiple paths laid before us, we walked on in opposite directions.

It was dark and confusing and heartbreaking and after months of walking through life haunted, the paths started winding and twisting and slowly, very slowly, they met once more.

Something shifted.

When I was a child my teacher told me that people move like glaciers, ever so slowly toward change. I hadn't believed her at the time but as I felt myself standing in front of him once more, I didn't have to believe her. Change had found us.

The steps were tentative at first and pained with neither knowing what to say or do. It wasn't one day of waking up to a different life but multiple days in succession of waking up to a life ever changing. Eventually so many days went by that looking back, I couldn't tell you what one day changed it all. Conscious decisions to move forward kept us walking the same path with both of us nervously waiting for the time when the two paths would again split. But days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and we were still walking together. The fear that kept us from getting used to each other, from getting used to walking together began to slowly dissipate. Months turned into a year. A year turned into more.

Not many people come back from where we were. Not many people can.

On this day I am reminded of how close my story came to being very different and on this day I know that it's not just my story but our story and we've never exactly done things the normal way.

You could say we look at each other differently now but different isn't bad. At least it doesn't have to be.